


Superheroes Can't Save You

by Peppermint_Miraculous (Peppermint_Shamrock)



Series: Peppermint's Rare Pair Month Oneshots [3]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, F/F, Kwamis Are Gods, OOC Kwamis, Rare Pair Month
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 12:59:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17509091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peppermint_Shamrock/pseuds/Peppermint_Miraculous
Summary: Alya's trying. But keeping both her feelings and Ladybug's identity under wraps is weighing on her heavily, and sooner or later, one or the other is going to give out.But maybe she isn't as alone as she thought…Written for ML Rare Pair Month Day 22 Prompt - Help





	Superheroes Can't Save You

**Author's Note:**

> Last entry (for now) for the Secret-Keepers/Scary Kwamis AU. But I've still got one more fic (unrelated) for Rare Pair month after this!
> 
> Again, I'm using a workskin (though the fic is readable without it). [Link for the CSS](https://peppermint-shamrock.dreamwidth.org/11588.html) if anyone's interested.

Marinette was talking about Adrien again.

Alya tried not to let it bother her. After all, it wasn’t _Adrien_ who made out with Ladybug last night. And she’d promised, she’d _promised_ Ladybug that everything was fine, that they could keep seeing each other, that she wouldn’t let it affect anything in her everyday life. She’d lied through her teeth, to herself as much as Ladybug, and said that she didn’t care that they couldn’t have a normal relationship – she just wanted _a_ relationship.

That was easier to believe in front of Ladybug who loved her back than Marinette who had no clue.

But Alya had done her best to hold her tongue for the past month, since she found out. She’d done her best to be patient and supportive. She’d done her best to hide her knowledge of Ladybug’s identity, and never let on to Marinette that part of her life was buried in lies. Alya had done her best, and the stress was eating away at her bit by bit by bit.

She didn’t think she could last much longer, and she didn’t know what would happen if she broke. That kwami was watching, she knew, it must be to know when there was danger that Ladybug needed to respond to. And if Alya became the danger, the threat to Ladybug by being unable to keep the secret…

She didn’t want to think about that. She had to be strong.

But it was never harder than when she had to listen to Marinette pining after Adrien.

“…and then I’ll ask him out for ice cream and we’ll get married and have three kids and…Alya is something wrong?”

Damn Marinette’s senses, oblivious to her own role but keen enough to spot a friend in distress from a mile away. This wasn’t the first time Alya’d nearly been caught.

She told herself to fake a smile, and tell Marinette that someday, Adrien was sure to see how amazing she was. But Alya choked on her words. She didn’t _want_ Adrien to see that. She wanted to be selfish; she wanted to have Marinette herself.

She could always have Ladybug, but it would be wrong to be with her if she was already with someone else as Marinette. Even if Ladybug didn’t know that, it would still be wrong, and Alya would feel guilty about it. She felt guilty enough already while Marinette was technically single.

“I…I can’t do this any more,” Alya said, before she could stop herself.

Marinette looked at her, confused.

“I want you to be happy, I really do, but I can’t…I can’t keep pretending this doesn’t hurt like hell. I’m sorry, Marinette, but I can’t…”

Marinette tilted her head and frowned. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Alya was uncomfortably reminded of how this whole mess had started, and it felt like a reopened wound.

“I’m in love with you!” she burst out, as the last straw broke the dam of silence that had weakened bit by bit over the last month. She immediately covered her mouth, as Marinette’s eyes went wide and her mouth fell open.

“Alya…” she said, shocked.

Alya fled before she spilled any worse secrets, tears in her eyes. She didn’t stop running until she got home. She slammed the door to her room behind her, and threw her phone across the room when it wouldn’t stop buzzing at her. It was probably Marinette, trying to call her, or text her, to apologize for how she never knew Alya’s feelings. But Alya wasn’t prepared to handle the inevitable rejection right now, and sank to the floor, hugging her knees.

She didn’t know how long she sat there. She might’ve sat there forever, had the _voice_ not spoken.

_**Alya Césaire.** _

A chill ran through her. That wasn’t a normal voice. Slowly, and warily, she looked up. Orange smoke was emanating from something on her desk. Alya slowly got to her feet, trying to get a better look, but not straying too close to the smoke itself. On the desk, she saw a necklace – deceptively simple looking, but as Alya had never seen it before, she knew it had to be anything but.

“You’re…a kwami?” she asked.

_**Yes. I trust we can skip the basics?** _

“What do you want?” Alya said, swallowing uncomfortably. After all that, after all the pain she’d put herself through to keep the secret (and she _had_ kept it still, at least the part that a kwami would be concerned about), was she going to be punished anyway?

_**I’m here to give you the means to help Ladybug and Chat Noir fight against Papillon with the power of illusion** _, it said, shifting and shimmering in the air.

“Illusion, huh?” Alya said, with a humorless snort. She’d had quite enough of playing pretend for a long time yet. “And let me guess, I won’t get to remember any of it, right?”

_**Yes. Your memories will be blocked. Including your knowledge of Ladybug’s identity, and the distress that has caused you.** _

“Bit late for that,” Alya said. “I just told her I’m in love with her, if I forget that now, she’s just going to be confused and asking more questions.”

_**That can be taken care of by her own kwami.** _

“Of course,” Alya said, tonelessly. What were a few more memories to a kwami? What did silly human relationships matter to them? Maybe Marinette had already been made to forget about their whole conversation. How much of Marinette’s life was actually hers anymore? And how far removed were these kwamis if they really thought Alya would agree to the same fate?

Oh, there was a temptation, to be sure. Ignorance was bliss, and all that. She could go on supporting Marinette again without pain. And maybe superhero her and Ladybug could find happiness together.

And once, Alya would’ve jumped at the chance to become a superhero. She wouldn’t have thought about the consequences, only the mystique and excitement of superheroes and superpowers that she’d always been fascinated with.

But now, she knew better. She’d lost that innocent wonder; she’d been forced to grow up and see the unpleasant reality of what superheroes really were. Did the kwamis really block out memories to protect the heroes identities, or just to make sure they couldn’t ever quit?

“No,” Alya said, shakily. She didn’t know what the kwami would do to her if she refused, but on principle, she couldn’t accept. Whatever the consequences of refusal were, it had to be better than the kind of split existence Marinette lived.

_** You won’t accept the Miraculous of the Fox? ** _the kwami asked, sounding surprised.

“I won’t,” Alya said, more firmly. “I’m not interested. If Ladybug and Chat Noir need another partner, they can find someone else. I won’t live like that.”

She waited, expecting some sort of attack. But to her surprise, the smoke receded.

_** If you change your mind, I won’t be far, ** _ it said, sinking back into the necklace before that, too, vanished as though it had never been there. Alya sighed in relief, though she was still wary. Just how much had this kwami been watching her? She supposed it did make sense to tail her to make sure she didn’t expose Ladybug’s identity to anyone. Didn’t mean she had to be at all comfortable with the idea.

She had no intention of changing her mind, regardless. The magic of superheroes was completely gone…no, that wasn’t right. The magic was _real_ , and that was the worst thing that magic could be.

Alya was done with this, all of this. She’d been hanging on, clinging to her love for superheroes (and one in particular) despite all the hurt it had caused her over the past month. She should’ve burnt that bridge already, but she’d tried to keep it close as though losing it would be like losing her childhood. And maybe, in a way, it was. But everyone had to move forward.

Which was exactly what Alya was going to do. She wasn’t going to chase after superheroes anymore. If Ladybug sought her out, she’d tell her firmly that they were done. And she was going to delete the Ladyblog.

She fired up her computer, and pulled up the site. Here, she hesitated. Part of her, a large part of her, just wanted to pull the plug right now, before she could second-guess herself. Another part of her insisted that wouldn’t be fair to her longtime followers.

That moment of hesitation turned out to be for the best, because at that moment, a new private message showed up. Alya opened it, almost automatically, to distract her from having to make a choice.

Her eyes went wide as she read the message.

**NEW UNREAD MESSAGE fromburneracct787: Saving the Superheroes**

You may or may not believe me. You may think I’m a conspiracy theorist. But your blog is very informative, and you seem to be the best option I have.

I know who Chat Noir is. For his safety, I can’t tell you more than that. But I can tell you this – he is NOT acting purely of his own volition. He and Ladybug are beholden to a higher power, and they are not aware of this. He does not even know that he is Chat Noir or that anything unusual is going on. 

I have seen this power, and I don’t trust it. I can’t, in good conscience, allow it to continue using my friend, especially without his knowledge. However, I can’t confront him directly – I have been threatened. I need any information about the heroes that you can give me so that I can try and save him. 

I can’t offer proof, but I can see that you’re keen on doing your own research. I urge you to look into this and respond back when you have.

Alya sat back, trembling slightly. Could there really be someone going through the same thing she was? There was no doubt in her mind that this person knew – everything matched up. Could there really be a way to “save” Marinette?

It was a risk, she knew, to engage with this. The kwami was no doubt still keeping an eye on her. But maybe…just maybe, they wouldn’t be monitoring electronic communication with the same rigor. So Alya took the chance, and typed out her reply.

**RE: Saving the Superheroes**

I believe you. I have seen what you’ve seen, with Ladybug.

I’m being watched. I don’t know how closely. We can’t meet.

But I will try and help if I can.

**Author's Note:**

> I post daily WIP excerpts over at [Dreamwidth!](https://peppermint-shamrock.dreamwidth.org/)


End file.
